Golden Sun: Matthews Doubt
by Devanor
Summary: I've always wondered why no one ever considered the deaths of the Grave Eclipse to be the groups, or Matthews, fault. So here, he believes it to be his fault. Spiritshipping eventually...
1. Depression

**I'm back with another Dark Dawn story, despite believing my first would also be my last.**

**Post-DD, the Apollo Lens has just been fired and they've left tonfon, it's about 1 day after they descended from Apollo Sanctum. I'll try to have more details than my first story...**

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Matthew looked around. Corpses... everywhere. He realized he was in Champa, or what was left of it, the houses used to fuel the fires that was Obabas only protection. Eoleo was approaching from the distance, with a grim expression.

"Hard to believe." The pirate said. "That I was saved by the very man who is responsible for all this."

_What? No Eoleo, I'm not- _Matthew wanted to say, but any attempts was futile: while normally a man of few words, now he suddenly was unable to speak at all.

Eoleo faded, as did Champa. _A dream? _But Matthew had little time to consider it, as a new vision appeared before him. He was in Ayuthay, in the room King Paithos was sleeping in. Amiti stood at his side.

"I thought better of you, Matthew." _What?_ "My uncle is dying, and it's your fault..." _No, no I didn't mean to..._

His pleas for understanding fell on deaf ears, or he couldn't talk like before. Regardless, the image disappeared, and now he was in Kaocho. The corpses were of both civilians and soldiers, most likely those that had occupied Ayuthay before the Grave Eclipse.

"How could you allow this?" He heard from behind. Turning around, he saw Himi. "While King Wo was powerhungry to the point of madness, and the people of Kaocho following him believeing he was right, they didn't deserve this, so why didn't you stop it from happening?"

_Himi, I tried! I swear I tried! _As he tried to yell, there was naught but silence. And the terrain shifted again, to his home at the Goma Plateau. His father, Isaac, stood before him with a sad expression.

"Is this what I trained you for? So that you would murder civilians? Slaugher armies? I'm disappointed in you, Matthew" _Father please, let me explain! _"Begone, you are no son of mine!"

And then he was in Belinsk. And understanding the connection, he feared the worst...

"Matthew?" _By the Ancients, please, anything but this... _"What did I ever do to you, Matthew?"

_What? Sveta, what do you...? _"All I wanted was to help, yet you doomed my people and killed my brother. Do you hate me so much that you want to take everything away from me?" _NO, Sveta I lov-_

Then he was in Kalay. Tyrell, Karis, Rief and Kraden all stood in front of him, with expressions revealing nothing but disappointment. One after another, they turned their backs on him, walking away. _Rief, Kraden, wait! Karis, Tyrell, please don't leave me... Please, I couldn't have known..._

"Of course not" He heard from above. _Arcanus! This is **YOUR **fault! _Matthew yelled despite no sound escaping his lips. "Mine? Please, how can it possibly be my fault? All I did was help you out with getting the Roc Feather, and then you helped me out in return... willingly or not" _**ARCANUS! **_Matthew lunged at him, ready to pierce him with the Sol Blade. Yet when he almost hit him, Arcanus disappeared, and left in his place was...Sveta! He dropped the sword immediately, and caught her in his arms before she fell to the ground. _No, please, not this! Anything but this! _He tried casting Potent Cure, but his psynergy was gone. And his Djinni didn't respond. He felt her life fading, until her hands dropped to the ground, her breathing stopped. _NOOOOO!_

He awoke with a start. He was sweating like he had been in Lamakan Desert for hours, which was widely considered the hottest desert in Weyard. He had to get some fresh air. Any attempts to sleep now, after that nightmare, would be a waste of time, anyhow. As he rose from the bed, he finally recognized the room: it was his private room in Eoleos ship. _Right. We -or Volechek- fired the Apollo Lens yesterday. _He dressed quickly and went outside the room, walking along the corridor.

He stopped outside Svetas room, thinking about his feelings for her. _Ridicioulus. I'm the cause of a lot of her suffering. Her home, in ruins. Her people, almost extinct. Her brother... And yet I have the nerve to be so madly in love with her. _Continuing through the corridor, he went up above deck, not realizing the door he had just stood at creaked open.

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**Hmm, a first chapter for a story I have no idea how many chapters i'll make for. Maybe one, maybe twelve, we'll see...**


	2. Understanding

**Second chapter is out!**

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Standing at the bow of the ship, Matthew looked ahead, seeing nothing but water. With the end of the Grave Eclipse, the group had agreed that their first destination was Belinsk, as it was now without any sort of royalty leading them... If anyone had even survived, being at the very center of the eclipse caused by Luna Tower.

Ayuthay was hit fairly lightly, and King Paithos, while certainly he didn't have long left to live, could lead the people until Amiti returned. Champa, while in ruins, had a major part of the villagers evacuated before the eclipse, and they also had Obaba around, so Eoleo figured he could drop everyone else off first.

_Each death is my fault. _Matthew thought. _The only ones who know this for sure is me, the group, and Arcanus -Alex-. _He let out a deep sigh. _Even if no one finds out, it is still a burden I will have to bear, for the rest of my life. _Thinking about it, Matthew considered the fact that Volechek's death was most likely the same for Matthew as Saturos' and Menardi's was for Isaac. While indeed they had attacked first, Volechek didn't do it willingly, while Saturos and Menardi did it for the sake of the Weyard, something Isaac discovered later on. In that regard, he was similar to his father. _But dad didn't cause as much suffering with the Golden sun as i've done with the Grave Eclipse. _

Remembering the dream, Matthew couldn't help but wonder... Was it merely a dream? Could what he dreamt was what they actually thought about him, just that they didn't want to say it out loud? _"Do you hate me so much that you want to take everything away from me?" _What Sveta had asked him in the dream sent chills down his spine. _She wouldn't think I hate her...Right?_

"Why would I think that?" The voice startled Matthew, as he hadn't heard anyone approach. Turning around, he saw Sveta with a face that revealed both confusion and... Worry? "S-Sveta, something wrong?" She looked at him, her expression changed to one of irritation. "That's what I want to know, Matthew. Why would I think you hated me?" _Did she use Spirit Sense? But I didn't feel any Psynergy! _"I didn't need to use it. After the Apollo Lens, i've been able to... Hear your thoughts when being close enough to you." _Great..._ "My apologies if you feel that i'm invading your privacy, but I am merely because I think that if I did not, you wouldn't tell me what was worrying you"

"It's nothi-" He wanted to answer, but Sveta glared daggers at him. "Now do you understand? You try to take everything upon yourself, to solve everything by yourself, and only ask others for help when it's obvious you are incapable of it alone. Why Matthew? Is it because you don't trust us?"

"What? No, I just..." _Just what? _He had no idea what to say at this point. "Then tell me Matthew. What is bothering you?" "..." The silence between them continued well over a minute, until Matthew felt a surge of Psynergy from Sveta. "Sveta, Wait!" But it was too late, She had already read him, and without a doubt she had seen the dream he had had mere minutes ago. Sveta let out a small gasp when she were done.

"Matthew, is that what you think about us? Do you really think we blame you?" Sveta looked at him, and he knew it was pointless to deny it, so he decided to just answer her question.

"Yes, I did. And why wouldn't I? Everything is my fault, don't you understand that Sveta? Belinsk, Kaocho and Champa, in ruins because of me! Everyone who've died is my responsibility. The greatest calamity Weyard have ever witnessed is because of my incapability!

And do you know why?" Tears forming on Matthews eyes, revealing that he couldn't bear it anymore. "Because I wanted to live. I had the choice, to die down there in Belinsk Ruins, or to go down and activate a machine that Laurel had warned me about. I never told any of you, but I heard his -Arcanus- voice, telling me that there was a way out if only we activated the Alchemy Dynamo."

"I knew fully well that Laurel wouldn't have been so worried without good reason, after the stories dad told me. Yet, I strode onward, because I was afraid to die! Now I realize my misstake. I should've let us die down there. So many are dead because of my fear, and even if I were to live to the end of time I can never repay the damage i've caused! The worst of all is the fact of how much you've suffered... Not only is your people in Belinsk dead, your brother is too, at my own hands! So tell me Sveta, how can I NOT blame myself after all i've done?!"

Sveta stared at him in surprise. Most of the time during their journey, Sveta would need to rely on Spirit Sense in order to know what Matthew wanted as she didn't understand his expressions the way Tyrell and Karis did. He talked occasionally, but that was very rare, at least ever since she joined the group, and from what Matthews friends said, it had always been like that. So the fact that he had said so much at once baffled her.

Yet Sveta just shook her head. "Matthew, it isn't your fault. No one blames you. As Blade and Chalis said, they would have forced us down had we not done it ourselves. And when we were there, it was Arcanus who forced Ryo Kou to activate the Alchemy Dynamo, despite your best efforts. You saw what happened to Tyrell when he tried to fight him. And about my brother, we didn't know it was him. So stop blaming yourself for something that you can't be accounted for!"

Now it was Matthews turn to be surprised, as Sveta was crying while finishing her lecture. _She's crying because of me? _"OF COURSE I AM" Sveta yelled, tears almost overflowing. "You've been blaming yourself for something you couldn't help, thinking everyone was hating you and everything was your fault, when in reality it wasn't. That you didn't want to share your problems with me I can understand, seeing as I kept the secret that I was of the Morgal royal family, but that you didn't even speak with Tyrell and Karis..."

Sveta sobbing turned uncontrollable, and she stopped trying to say any more, as she would be unable to form any understandable words when she was crying like that. At that point, whatever was making Matthew hesitate shattered, and in an instant he was next to sveta, embracing her. All he wanted was to make Sveta cheer up, and this was the only thing he could think of at the moment. Sveta calmed down, still sobbing but she didn't try to get away from him, despite it having been done with little effort.

"Matthew?" She finally said, when she had gotten her sobbing to a manageable level. "I'm sorry Sveta. I don't know what came over me." Matthew answered when he let go of her. "It's not that I didn't want to share my problems with you. It's that I... get nervous when you're around."

"Oh. I'm... I'm sorry, perhaps I should leav-" Sveta begun to say. "No! I didn't mean it like that! It's that... you see... er." _Damnit, to hell with everything!_ "I love you Sveta!" His sudden confession obviously surprising her. "Whenever you are around i'm afraid that I might say something to offend you, or make a fool of myself. It's not that I did'nt want to talk with you, truth be told i'd love to. I want to know everything about you, but I was too scared to even think straight during the few times we were alone, and when the rest of the group were around we were too occupied with the task at hand."

When he finished, his face turned into a stark red color, and he began scratching his neck, looking down in embarassment. "Yeah, that's what's on my mind..." The silence between them only turned the situation more awkward. _I better leave so she get time to think about what I've said. _But as he attempted to turn around Sveta grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. The initial confusion quickly dissipated and he embraced her once again, deepening the kiss. Once they separated, Sveta took word. "Those are my feeling for you..." She said with a blush similar to his own moments earlier.

As Matthew intended to say something, they heard someone whistle and turned to where the sound came from. They saw the whole group cheering them on, while Tyrell whistled once again in a sign of approval. Both Matthew and Sveta blushed at once, before Matthew managed to speak. "H-How long have you guys been there!?" Eoleo let out a laugh. "Ever since you embraced her the first time, we heard some yelling and decided to find out what was going on and found you both making out big time"

Sveta looked at Matthew. "Surely, this is enough to show what they think about you, right?" Matthew grinned. "Can't imagine I ever thought otherwise." He said before he stole another kiss, and then the group continued towards Belinsk.

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**Holy crap, I just wrote and wrote and suddenly it became 3 A4 pages, almost twice the size of the first chapter! Altho given all i've written this chapter, i'm starting to think i'll have to change the title or something... Meh, i'm too much of a lazy sucker, so it'll stay. Sue me if you think i'm wrong!**

**Edit: can't believe i didn't see that! Matthew dreamt that Sveta asked if he hated her, but here she asked why she would hate him! Fixed now.**


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